Marriages in the Catholic church is ordained in the sacrament of the Holy Matrimony. Holy Matrimony is the sacrament which sanctifies the contract of Christian marriage and gives a special grace to those who receives it worthily.
Marriage is the legal union or coming together of a man and woman to become husband and wife. Marriages are built on the basis of true unconditional love, trust, understanding, and fear of God. This contract last for a lifetime
A Toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control etc.
How To Know You Are In A Toxic Marriage
Living in a toxic marriage may remove all happiness from your life, deteriorate your mental-health and feeling of well-being, push you into a constant feeling of self-doubt and shame and even lead you to have suicidal thoughts. If you already feel these things or notice any of the below-mentioned signs of a toxic relationship, that means that marriage is toxic.
1. Lack of communication – Talking to one another is considered a great way to remove misunderstandings and develop a bond between any two people. If there are times when neither of them wishes to speak to each other, this is clear that something is not right and a gap has been created between them. Moreover, despite being in the same room, both of you are busy doing your own thing rather than spending quality time with each other, it shows a lack of connection.
2. Jealousy and Blame – If your partner is constantly texting you and wants to know where you go, who you hang out with, this shows their insecurity and their need to control you. A jealous spouse requires constant updates and try to limit you, taking away your freedom. Having no trust in a relationship is a clear sign that there is nothing worth left to hold on to. You may also find your partner often threatening you to manipulate you by hurting themselves, and blaming you as the reason for their pain as well as their own caused poor relationship.
3. Fights and Arguments – Couples tend to learn more about each other over the years and develop a better understanding that helps them minimize conflicts and enhance love and support between them. Even after all these years if spouses are constantly fighting, possibly over the same reasons, there might be a huge chance they have lost the love they once held. Being able to voice your perspective and being all ears to your partner’s opinion is a great way to resolve issues.
4. Criticism and Humiliation – There a lot of pleasant ways to let your partner know if you are not pleased about their something or the way they dress instead of bashing, insulting them. It is not okay if your spouse humiliates and insults you by making mean jokes and judging negatively as this shows that they do not respect you anymore and want to make you feel worthless. Similarly, a partner who also refuses to acknowledge your strengths and belittle your accomplishments is not worth staying for and trying to save an already destroyed marriage.
5. Over Anxiety – If living in a toxic marriage, you will eventually find yourself to be always in a constant state of anxiety, and afraid to do anything that you feel may offend, or disappoint your partner. All of this entirely due to the fear of being criticized and yelled at. If you feel like ‘walking on eggshells’ which means a feeling of always being careful about trivial matters, this is a huge sign that you are unhappy in this marriage.
How To Cope In Toxic Marriages
The Catholic church does not encourage divorce and only annuls very extreme marriage cases. Therefore, when you find yourself in a toxic marriage, you must learn ways to cope and survive the long run. some of these ways include:
- Joining a Pius Organization – When a marriage is facing some challenges it is advisable to go closer to God by joining organizations such as Charism, legion of Mary, precious blood, St. Anthony of Padua, choir, and a host of others to uplift one’s spirit.
- Find New Ways to Connect – Finding neutral ways to connect is important. Such ways include: Make an effort to enjoy your kids’ events, Have some meals together, Watch a movie as a family, Talk about safe, neutral topics, Make daily conversations pleasant and light-hearted. This may or may not lead to reconciliation. Either way, you can co-exist in the midst of an unhappy marriage by creating new ways to connect.
- Always remind yourself what you stand to face outside the marriage such as spaced relationship with the children, financial insecurity, loneliness, the stigma of divorce that hampering your ability to remarry to a certain degree, not wanting to start over, wanting to avoid hassle.
- Get Your Own Life Going Despite the Marriage – Part of coping with an unhappy marriage is redefining your own life. How you think determines much of the outcome. By focusing on the problem, the problem grows, but when your mind shifts to the solution, anxiety and hopelessness decrease. You start to have hope again. Instead of expecting your partner to fulfill your needs, find alternatives. Getting enough support is another aspect of growing your independence. Join a support meet-up group to increase your social circle. Feeling more connected makes you feel less alone.
- Building a happier and healthier life – Starting to take better care of yourself is the next step. Join a gym or start to go out with friends. Show genuine interest in your partner’s day without resentment. The kids will be happier, and you’ll be less stressed. Your spouse may even become more amiable. Stop fighting over what you cannot change and learn to focus on what you can. In the long run, creating a happier connection means that everyone wins.